Why is it wrong to swear ?

The English language consists of more than 200,000 words  and for some reason some of these have been declared vulgar or obscene.
The use of swear words is part of life and some people use them more than others. Some people will say oh darn or blast when they swear when the rest will be happy to use F***

I have always sworn and frequently use the 'F' word when I am seriously annoyed but usually have tried to keep its use to appropriate company.

When someone complained to me about my swearing I got to thinking why are people offended with me saying one word when it is simply a word. Why should F*** be seen as more offensive than for example shouting oh "CRUNCH" . No matter what I shout no word will actually hurt anyone or damage anything.

I went to see a well known comedian and throughout his performance he used a variety of swear words and everyone was killing themselves with laughter, yet if he had walked into a church and told the same dialogue people would have been upset. It makes not sense why the use of words in different locations should provoke different reactions.

My mother is forever quoting some unknown teacher I am supposed to have had when I swear, "Swearing shows a poor command of the English Language" , what twaddle. It does no such thing and I am thankful to Stephen Fry who corroborates that people with the greatest vocabulary often swear the most.

So what is it about swearing that is supposed to be so wrong, why has it been accepted that saying certain words is wrong.
If a loved one was in a coma and after months of no movement suddenly sat up and shouted F*** would you still be offended and tell them its not nice to swear?

My mother's other stock phrase is "it's not necessary to swear",  again Mr Fry points out that many millions of things in life aren't necessary but we still have them. How very true, the internet isn't necessary for a start.

So if swearing is not a poor command of language and it doesn't matter if its necessary or not why do some people get so upset with it and others are quite happy to get on with life worrying about more important matters.     I'm F***** if I know.

Military Wives Choir - Wherever You Are

I know its a bunch of bored house wives who have nothing better to do while they wait for their husbands to return home but why inflict the pain of this awful song on the rest of us.

We have a serious case of the Emperors’ new clothes with this one, Chris Evans says he likes it (he has to he is on the BBC) and so suddenly everyone likes it and says it should be Christmas number one.

What makes it to the Christmas number one slot is so utterly unimportant that it might as well be the number one, but who really cares.

The worst part is the terrible just slightly off-key soloist who is screeching over everything. She sings like a bus braking with worn out brake pads. No, sorry I am wrong, its not just the soloist its all of them, just off key enough to be so terribly bad it hurts, no really it actually hurts, it makes every nerve in my body cringe.
And remember as they sing the words "My Prince of Peace" to imagine the rocket launchers, tanks, grenades, guns etc they are deploying. Peace?

No stop it, don't give me the "its for charity and their husbands are off fighting a war for you" rubbish, that is no excuse to subject me to that terrible noise.

Be number one for Christmas if you like but please everyone be like Chris Evans and warn me when you are going to play it so I can turn the radio off.

There is an upside to everything, play this noise to any enemy and victory is certain, well surrender anyway!

I Think I Speak for Everyone !

Where I live there are two types of people, those who live here and those who think we shouldn't.
Some people truly believe that because their grandparents lived around here they are the only ones who have any rights or any say on anything that is done in the local area.
There are many who if given their way would still be living in a mud hut and cooking on a fire in the middle of the room so opposed to change are they.

None of them realise that given their hatred of all things change they would have died before they were 30 of plague or some other disease long past.

One of the long running moans of the "old local folk" is about the building of a great  new restaurant on the Coast Road. There used to be a rotting fallen down shack that had not been used for decades and someone decided to build a fantastic new building in its place. The moaners have been on about it since first planning application and done everything they can to prevent this new "monstrosity" replacing their  "historic" fallen down building.

I seem to have digressed, its time I got to the purpose of this entry. Why is it that when the old gits write to the papers with their complaint about this great new building they feel they have a right to speak for me and everyone else.

Every other letter of complaint contains the phrase "I know I speak for everyone when I say" or " I know everyone will agree with me when I" . No!  I don't remember you asking my opinion therefore you don't speak for me, you don't even think the same as me if you believe leaving a town to fall apart just because YOU don't like change is a good plan.

You only know you speak for everyone if you have asked everyone for their opinion and they all agree with you.

The chances of anyone ever being able to use this phrase are zero considering the need to ask 7billion people.

 

London 2012 - Only the participants matter!

It gets better, the Olympics I mean. Its the only thing that matters in 2012. From roads that will be only for those participating to commuters being told to expect 2hour delays if they want a train, and should in any case change their working hours because services will give priority to those going to the Olympics.

Well that's great isn't it, unless of course you want to go to work and keep the country going and don't particularly want to work nights for 4 weeks.

Even the tourist industry has said that it has seen hotel booking down 90% as people try to avoid the chaos, and still Screaming Lord (help us) Coe wants more athletics in 2017 as well.

Aside from the obvious scams meaning you can only buy the sponsors drinks and to stop you taking in your own food or  drink the best think I have heard about the Olympics has to be from the secretary for defence. He has said that "surface to air missiles" will be deployed at the Olympics if necessary. This in reply to "concerns" from, yes you guessed it, those paranoid Americans.

You have to think about this for a moment to realise what an amazing thing has been said here. If necessary the secretary of defence will deploy a missile to blow up something that was threatening the Olympic games. Just where exactly does he think the debris from the resulting explosion(s) will come down?  Oh it doesn't matter it will only be on the people of London, probably killing hundreds and destroying property and homes, but they are not part of the games so who cares.

The other option is to tell the Americans that we don't actually want them here in any case and if they do come we certainly aren't deploying missiles over London to please them!  Oh and ask the secretary for defence to resign immediately.

NHS Review site - Only the Good Stuff!

I visited my doctors the other day, its a long story but I wasn't unwell I needed a form signed.
The trouble is that the doctor I am registered with is a prat. No seriously, he is useless. I found out that he "qualified" in Iraq, so that's more than a little worrying to start with. Well that together with all the local accounts of him sending someone home after a stroke saying take aspirin and completely mis-diagnosing a boy with leukemia and failing to find my father had a heart attack 15yrs ago and not astma. Good one doc!

He wouldn't sign the form without doing some pointless tests which resulted in a weeks wait followed by a trip to see the nurse.

Oh good the nurse, well she calls herself a nurse but to be honest on the two occasions she has seen me she has told me completely wrong medical information as if it were fact. This time I dared to question her to be given a "I don't know who told you that!" . Well actually its any medical book you care to pick up and read.

This is all very scary, doctors who are useless and nurses who are wrong.

I decided the best thing to do was post an entry on the NHS Choices site where you can review your GP. So I did. But oh look, its been removed because it might be "defamatory".

So there you have it, post a good review it will be posted, write a bad one and it will be rejected.

Its good to know you can make an informed choice from their website isn't it!

ECO Speak!

You can find my views on the ECO warriors in various places on this blog and if you have seen them you will know that I believe global warming is a natural phenomena, photo cells on the roof are a waste of money and fitting a smart meter is as much use as, well a smart meter.

But what I do love about the ECO set is the language they are developing.

Recently on an episode of Dragons Den we had a woman telling us that she is "ECO focused" , fantastic, but what the hell does it mean and then we have various people on TV claiming the be "Green Focused" . Ah ha, I know that one because as a kid we had a really clapped out colour TV which if you didn't hit it just right when it warmed up everything was green and out of focus.

We have others who are environmentally aware, well good for you, just try and find a living thing that isn't aware of its environment, and even better we have people who claim to be environmentally friendly, ahh thats nice.

It is all such tosh, "I like to buy Eco" , "I only support green charities" there is even "green parenting" none of it means anything, just as "carbon neutral housing" and "sustainable development" are just buz words that people latch onto.

Whatever happened to the good old days, when you had simply "tree huggers" at least it gave us a clue what it meant.

Adult Content Blocker

One of the top news items today has been that some ISPs have decided to offer the ability to block adult content on their broadband packages.

This sounds simple enough but there is probably more to this than they think.

For example what will the application form say something like "Wanking material required Yes/NO" and how does any man explain to his wife/girlfriend/SOH that he has left the yes box ticked.

And if the original contract is set up with no access to the adult content it could quite possibly result in the following call to the call centre. Remember the call centre staff are Indian :-

Call Centre - Hello, welcome to ETalkTalk how can I be helping you today

Caller - Um, yes, well I would like to remove the block on the adult content on my broadband

CC - OK, thank you, well I just need to go through security, please to confirm your name

Caller - Yes, Um , well John Smith

CC - OK, thank you, and the number for which you are calling about

Caller - Well, its this one 0207934100

CC - I am very sorry but I am not seeing Smith with that phone number, can you confirm that you are the account holder

Caller - Um, well actually its my wife.

CC - Sorry but we don't have Mrs Smith on that account.

Caller - N0, OK, alright my its under the name Cameron, Mrs Cameron

CC - but your name is Smith?

Caller - No, please, the account is for this number and its my wife Mrs Cameron

CC - Can I talk to the account holder then please

Caller - No, she is away but its OK

CC - Ok, Mr Smith Cameron and you would like to remove the adult content filter, am I correct?

Caller - Yes.

CC - And your wife is away?

Caller - Yes,

CC - I see

Caller - look this isn't difficult I just want the filter removed please because we don't need it

CC - OK, thank you that is fine I am removing the filter. That has been done for you now. Is there anything else I can do for you today.

Caller - No thats its thank you

CC OK , I am sending a text confirmation to the account holder Mrs Cameron, thank you for being with ETalkTalk ........ click .......brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Caller - No you dont need to send a text ....... hello........ hell !

Stansted Airport - Its all about money!

Remember the time when a holiday abroad started as soon as you got to the airport, the moment there with bags packed and you thought, yes I'm going on holiday, fab!

Then it changed, Airports became a place of hell and torture with sole purpose to make us realise we have no control over anything we do until we eventually get off the plane at our destination.

We are told that all the stupidity if for our own security, when actually it is all for profit. My last trip through Stansted was a perfect example of this.

We arrived at the checking at 05.45am, they love to have you sitting around for hours, and as we checked in the woman on the desk said "you don't have any hold luggage booked" . "We do", "no the computer says no, cough". "That will be £20 per person per 20kg each way" , "No it wont we have already booked it" . After several minutes I found another piece of paper I happened to have taken with me that listed the luggage allowance, why would they tell me an allowance if I hadn't booked it, Miss Jobsworth stopped trying to bump up here wages and scam me out of £80 and check us in.

I went to the Thomson desk to check we had luggage for the return flight, but the woman was doing a crossword and would only say "computer says no, cough" and would do nothing to rectify the problem. Well done Thomson-fly!

I had the executive lounge booked which includes the "fast track" security, off we wander, I show the lounge pass and get told "£5 per person please" , "No, we are going to the lounge", "but you booked it through the wrong website so thats £5 per person". " another long discussion followed, Miss Jobsworth eventually had to relent when I showed her the email from the lounge company explaining we had fast track.

Within 15mins the airport has tried to scam me out of £100 and I hadn't even got near a plane.

Onward to be sexually assaulted "for my own security" as Mr Jobsworth gropes me up on the pretense of checking me for who knows what, because for some reason they are allowed to assume we are all terrorists. After the groping I get called to one side " this plastic bag is too big" Oh please you stupid Jobsworth its the same size sandwich bag I have used everytime I have come through security. Oh look they are selling plastic bags and want me to use them at £1 for something I can get for 2pence everywhere else.

How did travel get so bad.

On the flight if you were cold you could BUY a blanket, and "we recommend you drink plenty of water to stop you getting dehydrated in flight" but they will only sell you it.

The Holiday was brilliant, thank you, but we had to do it all again on the way home.

Next time I'm strapping a AK47 to my chest and 4kg of C4, bet all they will do is charge me 50quid for excess baggage.

BT You are taking the piss!

Imagine if you could be billed for something you didn't ask for, need or recieve, then if you didn't pay this bill imagine that you were threatened with an "independent debt recovery agency" and an "adverse effect on your credit rating". That could never happen. Oh hold on it just did, and it seems it is happening to hundreds of people every year.

Its BT again. We left them a couple of months back and joined Talk Talk.
When we swapped I was careful to check that we were not going to break any contract and incur a charge. Once all was complete we stopped the BT direct debit, happy in the knowledge that we didn't owe them anything.

Silly me there is the matter of the Broadband Cessation fee of £30. Whats that? Bloody good question. I phoned BT. The lovely man that spoke perfect something but not English explained that the cessation fee was because I had not requested a MAC. Um, what. So why would I have requested this and why are you charging me for not doing so. The answer "Talk Talk should have asked you too get one, you will have to phone them and tell them this and they will raise a query with BT". Hold on BT charged me £30 for not asking for something, they charged me to do exactly what? "Because you didn't ask for a MAC....... " he lost me with jargon of Ofcon and broadband lines and goodness knows what.

I phoned Talk Talk and got the BT guys brother, who not unexpectedly told me there was little he could do about a BT bill, and that they would not have needed a MAC because they have "LLU "so would not have told me to get one, so why would they now want to talk to BT about it.

Sorry if your bored ill try to move this along.
I phoned BT back. Listen here, you have charged me £30 threated me with a debt agency and baffled me with technical gobledegook for not asking for something I didn't need want or have any use for. This is not on! The woman went into the long explanation again and I was still none the wiser, so just kept asking what I was paying £30 for.

Eventually after the umpteenth time of "so what is the £30 for" she agreed that she would remove the fee and send out a new bill.

So to all those hundreds of other people paying the BT broadband cessation fee I suggest you phone and ask why.

Good Luck

Japanese Leper in Oil

Spell checkers are great aren't they and the ones that predict what you want to type are even better.
I often complement my smart phone when it changes something for me especially when I am trying to type in an email address which is letters and numbers.

The reason I mention this is because yesterday I was searching the www for Japanese Pepermint Oil, if you don't have a bottle of it then why not, its amazing, well what I didn't notice was that the I-pad had helped me out and assumed I really meant "Japanese Leper in Oil".

The best thing is that Google found over 3million possible results. Fantastic!

Before anyone calls a human rights group I didn't order any lepers because to tell the truth they don't sound that tasty.

Control your Bloody Kids!

As I get older I get less tolerant and some things really, really, yes really, wind me up.

Misbehaved children are one of my big hates. Since I was forced to listen to one screaming for 23hours on a flight to Australia my tolerance for this noise is zero.

At the weekend we were sitting in a restaurant in an old barn when in came a family with a small child on a trike. They took the table beside ours, don't they bloody always, and the kid started ring....ring....ring.....ring on the bell on his trike.
Expecting the mother to say "don't do that" instead we get mother saying "ring, ring" encouraging the brat.
There are 30 people eating and we all have to listen to the bell ringing.
What is it about some parents, they are so selfish that no one matters other than their kid, everyone is expected to think their child is so fantastic it can do what the hell it likes. News flash - we don't !

There was an article some time ago where two people were having dinner at 10.30pm, it was being ruined by the constant crying of a baby. Eventually they asked the waiter to have a word with the parents and for his trouble the man got a wine bottle broken over his head and ended up in hospital.

We were in a posh restaurant once and these parents were letting their child scream so much that I called the waitress over and asked to delay our meal until they had left. Its just not acceptable, why are parents allowed to inflict their children on the rest of us.
If I were to stand by their table shouting and screaming or ringing a bike bell I think that after about 20 seconds they would tell me to shut up. Yet so many parents don't give a hoot what disturbance their kids cause or where and woe-betide anyone who dares to complain.

Take note selfish parents, I don't have kids and I certainly don't want to listen to yours.

Oi Fatty, Get off the plane!

Did you hear the news saying that by 20something more people in the UK will be obese than you could possibly believe. I wonder how much that research cost when all they had to do was follow me around Sainsburys one week and observe the lard-arses wobbling around the store.

There was also a fantastic exchange on BBC radio between a fatty and someone who is tired of having his personal space taken by other peoples bodies. It is quite disgusting seeing these huge lumps wobbling along but when you take a seat and find they want your space too it really does go too far.

Public transport can be the worst places at the best of times but when you suddenly find a 20 stone fatty invading your space I think you should have some redress.

I am also a little worried about fatty on a plane, if one sits next to me and starts spilling into the seat I have paid for I will be holding up the plane big time while they find fatty or me a new seat. Its bad enough that fatty has been able to bring all the extra weight on-board for free in the first place so I am damned if I will give them part of my seat to carry it on.

The other thing that concerns me is if fatty is sitting by the over-wing emergency exits. Have you seen those things, they are tiny. If we need to use them and fatty is first in the queue we are all done for. I mean they don't let you carry a penknife to slice you way past the rolls of fat anymore, so how does anyone get out.

There has already been a plane crash because of fatties, yes really there has. It crashed on take off and killed all on board. So I think it is a reasonable question to ask why aren't people weighed before they are allowed on a plane, also maybe required to prove they fit into a seat without spilling into the next one.

The final point that worries me is, in the event of having to exit the aircraft using the inflatable slides , are they tested for fattties to jump onto. If not then shouldn't the drill be "women, children and normal sized people exit the aircraft then fatty your on your own".

If your offended in any way by this blog entry then probably your the kind of person who needs to lighten up a little. Probably in both senses of the word.

Sky Sports News - WHY ?

I was in a bar while taking a few days away and in front of me on a huge HDTV was Sky Sport news.
It was obvious that one of the presenters was not there because of her outstanding knowledge of sports but rather because of her outstanding......... well anyway.

Catching the odd bit of this non-stop sport news I go to wonder why, why is it on at all. OK, maybe your a great fan of football and support for example Booting-it Athletic FC, surely once you have seen that Booting won 5 nil against Overpaid Rangers why would you leave the TV on. Or perhaps you are a fan of football overall, how dull would you be, you might want to watch all the reports on football, then, oh its moved onto golf I'll switch off.

I find it hard to understand how anyone can talk for 4 hours about a 90min game so perhaps I am missing something but do you see what I am getting at here, how and why is Sky Sports news a news channel at all.

What next, how about SKY TRAIN SPOTTER NEWS.

A snippet from a program scrolling at the bottom of a page might go like this ..........
BREAKING NEWS ........ Loco XS3652 has returned to service today after 4 hours in the workshop where Ted Wrench fitted a new spiggot to the spinny bracket........... BREAKING NEWS ..... Anne Orack has become the first female driver to transfer from Notwork Rail to the French FST line, she said that she was looking forward.......... BREAKING NEWS............ The 08.15 from Fenchurch St has been delayed due to driver shortages or maybe a strike more to come as soon as we get it...... BREAKING NEWS ..... Sky Train Spotter news wins best train news program of 2011 with Vanessa (big points) De-sal being named as best presenter.........

And so it would go on, and on, like Sky Sport News I am sure there would be someone on the planet who would find the channel interesting, but to me Sky Sport News is like a circular rail track, Pointless!

Why do people need a f*****g dog?

Where I live every other house has a dog. There is one deranged woman not so far away who has ten dogs. No really, ten Labradors so she can single handedly foul a whole road in one walkies.

Dog owners fall into two categories, those that care about people and animals and those that only car about animals. Take for example a woman near me, she has two small yapping dogs, I have no idea what make so lets just call then shiatsus or shits for short.
You see this woman is not right in the head and thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to let the dogs out to yap and bark any time of the day or night.
What right has this demented twit of a woman to value her shits needs above those of everyone around her. She sits in her garden with the two shits going mental and ignores it, or occasionally might throw something for them to chase and fight over. Needless to say her garden is basically a huge pile of dog turds and when she opens her door if I'm at the bottom of my garden the smell, well really how can anyone live like that.

I know people say its company for her, really, well if the only company she can find in the world is from two animals I'll happily find her a rope.

Then there is the other bunch of dog owners around here who are quite obviously out 6 days a week so the mut is left to yap nonstop from 7am to 9pm. Why have they got them, what is the point.

Which brings me onto "status" dogs. Yes there are plenty of those around here. Quite often the owner has two of these so that they can be sure to barge everyone else off of the pavement. Or the other group of local oiks who let their kids take the status dogs over the park where they are teaching them to fight and scare the hell out of anyone who tries to walk to path there.

There is no reason to keep a dog as a pet, why cant they get a goldfish a hamster or a spider, anything that doesn't keep disturbing the neighbors.

What is it with the obsession for bloody dogs. Someone please explain!

London 2012

Its a year to the London 2010 Olympics and for some reason this is something to celebrate. Really!

Am I the only person who can't understand the hype, the only person who wonders why a bunch of rich and famous get to throw themselves a "year to go" party at the tax payers expense and the only person who actually doesn't give a stuff who wins what at the world most expensive sports day.

You have to wonder how much the boss of the Olympic delivery authority is making from all this and how much the bloody "lord " Coe is stashing away.

The country is falling to bits, hospitals, school,the police, road, council services and everything else is being cut, yet the Olympics are "set in stone" and nothing is being spared to ensure they go ahead.

We have to remember that this is not for the good of the country, its for the glorification of a few huge ego rich people, and so certain drinks companies, fast food outlets etc can have sole rights and make a massive profit.One minute we are all told to save the planet the next we are going to have a massive gas flame burning for no reason continually for weeks.

Lets not forget that the Olympic people have also threatened to sue anyone who puts on an event with "2012" in the title, yes thats right they say that 2012 is now so connected with the Olympics that no one else must be allowed to use it to over-shadow them.

Still there is one thing left that might save the day, they are looking for an exciting way to light the Olympic torch. Maybe set light to Coe and make him run into the torch.

All those in favour.

Underprivileged Children

There was an article on the news today about a scheme to get underprivileged children out sailing on the Gypsie Moth, and a couple of days ago was a story of how a load of underprivileged kids are off to the seaside, then there is the activity camp for underprivileged and the football club that runs training sessions for the underprivileged children in the area .

Hold up, whats going on here. I am sure that a lot of kids would love to sail on a famous boat or train with the local football team, but their problem is they are just plain old standard privileged, whatever that means.

So where does someone stop being standard privileged and become under, I expect its when they aren't able to sail in famous boats and train with the local team. Yes?

Smart Meters - Whats the point?

The latest buzz phrase in Eco electricity seems to be "Smart Meters" and apparently energy suppliers have got to spend billions on fitting every home with one by some arbitrary date in the future. My energy supplier will give me 5pence a decade off now if I have one fitted. But what are they?

Well according to Southern Electric fitting one will let me :-

PLAN my energy use to suit me
TRACK how much energy I've saved
SAVE money by cutting my bills

Excellent I must look closer, how will it do this.

The short answer is that it won't make a scrap of difference to me or probably anyone else and lets see why.

The smart meter shows how much electricity you are using at any given time, how much you have used over a period of time, a daily, weekly, monthly average, peak use and so on. Fantastic!?
Um, not really I don't see how any of that allows me to for example "Plan my energy use" or come to that "Save money by cutting bills" and it is information I already know isn't it.

For example say its a winters evening and I am cooking dinner, I have the oven on and a light in the kitchen. How does this meter save me money, the oven uses whatever electricity it needs to cook at 180 and the light uses say 60w. I can't change anything, I cant save anything, I can't plan anything.

After eating dinner, by candlelight because I am scared the meter is watching me if I put a light on, I decide to watch TV. I don't need a smart meter to know that the TV will use 102W, I know this because a smart man stuck a label on it and I can read. So the TV is on and I risk having a light on in the room at the same time. Again whats the point of the smart meter, how do I "Plan" my energy use, how do I "cut bills"?

I must be missing something, the government wouldn't make electricity suppliers put up our bills in order to fit a useless device would they. No don't answer that.

The only way a smart meter can save us money is if we turn everything off and sit and watch the smart meter by torch light.

I really must be missing something. Someone from an energy company please send me a comment and explain how this will work. Ta.

News of the World Phone Hacking - Who Cares

I can't be the only person who thinks the hacking fiasco has gone out of control, am I ?

I mean as Europe is in financial meltdown the House of Commons is spending hours going on and on about which dead person might have had their phone hacked and which celeb or one-eyed Scottish idiot might have been listened in on.

Its pathetic isn't it, for a start does it matter a fig when someone is dead who hears their voice mail for the simple reason, oh yes they are dead and wont give a hoot.

But the most annoying thing about all this nothing is that bloody bloke Milliband spouting about it for hours. Its not "disgusting" or "repulsive" that someone's phone is hacked, its even less so if they are dead. Its just rather stupid, possibly anoying and maybe some obscure crime.

Is it because GCHQ didn't realise that it was so easy to listen to peoples messages and had spent billions on unnecessary computers.

Hands up who actually cares, no go on please, tell me someone other than the plonkers in government really thinks its important. I mean for heavens sake if you want to hear a living persons phone calls just sit on a train and you will soon realise that most people talk more rubbish on the phone that I could ever write on my blog.

Yet as this fiasco goes on now we have to have the FBI getting in on the act saying some dead person in 9/11 might have been "hacked". Well actually I reckon phone hacking was the last of their problems.

Final thought on this, we keep hearing how distressing it is for the families of the dead involved, I ask this, why the hell did they have to be told. Oh yes so someone could write in a paper how distressing it was for them.

My advice , get over it, its so not important!

The Great Energy Stitch-Up

I received a letter from my energy supplier saying that my tariff ended and I am now transferred to their standard on-line tariff. Lucky me.
I immediately logged into my account and checked out what this means to the bills. After picking myself up off the floor I phoned Southern Electric.

According to customer services they can't introduce any new discount tariff similar to my last because there is a government inquiry into something. Yeah? really? sounds like a good govt we have here, helping the people as always. I questioned the ending of my tariff and what I would have to pay in future, oh good its just a mere increase of 65% on gas and 79% on electricity.

Hold on, I thought inflation was 4%, in the dream world of government statistics it is, but with one short letter our gas and electricity prices can sky rocket. That bloody Margaret Thatcher has so much to answer for.

Gas and Electricity prices are for some inexplicable reason linked to the price of oil. What about wind farms popping up all over the place providing "green" power, do they really use that much oil to lubricate it that it effects the price there too, it seems so.

Its obviously a profit scam and its amazing we all sit back and accept it.

I hit the www in search of a better deal, but without stretching this point too far there aren't any. Every price is the same no matter how they show it, and if you fix you don't gain, you just pay more to start with so that any saving on possible increases is wiped out. There is another problem in the UK, every rich Eco goodie goodie who sticks solar cells on his roof is costing the rest of us money, for every unit he generates we have to pay him 43 pence for the next 25yrs. even if he uses it himself. Fantastic, the rich get richer again.

A price that goes up with the price of oil (and never comes back down) and now takes into account the rising number of solar cell owners who want more and more money from the rest of us.

So basically we are screwed, change suppliers as much as you like and work your way through the multitude of plans available you will pay around the same amount over time and it will only go up!

I'm Back!

Its been a while and so much has happened that has gone un-blogged so here I am.

I have loads of excuses that I won't go into Ill just press on with catching up, but where to start, maybe points from the news:-

Phone Hacking - AKA please grieve more!

Its all over the news and even government is going on about it, news papers have been hacking into phones. It seems that the most outrage is against people who hacked dead peoples phones and the news is delighting in headlines such as "relatives of ..... have been subjected to further anguish" etc.
Last night some news station sent a reporter to stand in the rain in Soham to harp on about phone hacking in 2002. Apparently all this is very distressing for the parents and relatives of the dead. Ok, easy question, why are they doing it.
What possible reason is there for police or reporters to contact people about something that happened 9yrs ago. The dead are still dead, the hacking had nothing to do with the murders. The same goes for the London bombing victims and the hacking of phones there, what is the point of investigating it and contacting relatives.
Its not news and I have to wonder why the police are spending so much time on it when they are supposed to be suffering from cutbacks and lack of manpower. Dealing with crime occurring now would be a better use of resources. NO ?

Gypsy Scum - Outside the law again?

Near Basildon in Essex UK there is a huge site that has been taken over by gypsy scum.
To keep the story short they are there illegally and the council want to move them on. The Scum have said people will die if they try to move them on and they are obviously in possession of illegal weapons and are setting up barricades of gas cylinders.
Why do I mention this, well because its going to cost tax payers over £10million to move them on when it occurs to me that we have an army for this and should not be using the police and council. One tank a flame thrower and a napalm strike, problem solved.
And that leaves I about £9million to be spent on something more useful.

Nuclear Power Stations
I live close to an old nuclear power station which will hopefully soon be re-built.
There is a group of local old gits running a group called BANNG (Bradwell against new nuclear group) which is headed by a self appointed expert on saving the world who will say anything to stop nuclear power and who must be spinning in their graves, oh sorry they just look dead, with the news that the government is going ahead with new nuclear power in the UK.
The thing is there is no cleaner cheaper or dare I say it greener form of electricity available. The tree hugging unwashed anti nuclear groups are now harping on about the Japan earthquake and the destruction of ohfukisdisintegrated power station, but seem to forget that Essex is not likely to have an earthquake that massive.

So before the lights go out lets hope the new stations are built and up and running, because I for one don't want to go back to living in dark unheated homes and living on stale bread.

GADGETBOOST.COM

It's not often that a company gets a mention on here but this one deserves it.

The company is called Gadgetboost .com and other . endings and the reason they get a special mention is because they are scamming people out of money. Including me!

They have fantastic web sites, blogs and even pages full of press releases and excellent reviews, the trouble is they seem to be producing all their own good reviews.

If you try to buy from them they will more than likely take your money and even send you a spoofed posting tracking number. And that will be the last you hear.

They won't reply to emails and they have no other contact information on their sites.

Beware, don't buy from them!

Must have more gadgets.

It amazes me the number of gadgets I have, especially when I don't think of myself as a gadget person, I still think that my gadget habit is nothing compared to some.

There are those who must always have the latest version of everything, they would never dare be seen with a Gadget version 3 when a 4 is on the market. There are also the "ill wait until" group of gadget people. These are the "well I was going to buy a ipad but the ipad x is released in 4 months so there is no point buying the x-1 is there" group.
No probably not any point buying anything using their logic because the x+1 will be out in a year.

How did we ever get this way with gadgets and can you imagine what would happen if this style of shopping spread.

I imagine a trip to Sainsburys for the weekly shop could go like this :-

Apples, um no there will be new season apples in 7 months so leave those, cheese, no perhaps not I hear they are making a new style low fat cheddar so I should wait. Milk, ah no there is a new recyclable bottle on the way so best leave that for the moment. Wine, oh that's the 2009 the 2010 must be ready soon so that's off the list too.

Or the other extreme where the trolley has to be filled with every item that has the word "new" on it, even when we know "new" in the context of Sainsburys only means a different packaging or a few less grams in the wrapper.

But of course no one would dream of food shopping in such a stupid way.
So how did we end up in the cycle of gadget buying upgrading and buying more gadgets, simple, the advertisers tell us that we are not the person we should be if we don't have their latest piece of tech plastic.

And its true, if we don't have their latest iphone, ipad,i-gadgety-blueberry-techno-tv-googler we are not the person we could be, we are actually a little better, financially in any case.

Recycle if you can!

It is increasingly clear that once the government has finished cutting everything there won't be much of anything that isn't run privately. Although we pay more and more tax less and less will be spent on us, unless your a banker in which case you won't be allowed to suffer.

Its just as well that the majority of us won't be able to afford anything other than the essentials because the latest service facing cuts is recycling and rubbish disposal.

There is gossip that our local recycling it to close, this means a round trip of 14 miles to the next nearest site, not very eco all those extra cars making that trip, also not really worth going that far when there are plenty of laybys and ditches that have proved perfectly adequate for the gypsies to dump everything into for many years.

Once again I blame the politicians and bankers and so I propose a solution.

It is only fair that those causing the problem play a part in solving it and on this occasion its quite simple.

Bankers and politicians usually own big cars, often 4x4s that with the doors open can easily be used as a skip. They also usually have large gardens where we can throw such things as mattresses and the like.

So come on lets give them just a little of the crap they are giving us.

Ill happily publish all comments giving addresses of bankers who are opting into this scheme. When I say opting in I mean in the same way we opted in to pay them £million pound bonuses.

Your guide to having a street party.

Remember the past, when you organised something and it happened, when the street decided to have a party and the most important thing to organise was tables and 60 chairs.
The village where I lived put a post across the road set up the tables and had a party. The thunder cracked the rain fell like no tomorrow and a local school teachers house was hit by lightning and set ablaze. Wow, those were the good old days weren't they.

At last, we have a reason to have another street party "The Wedding" .

Hold on don't rush to make the fairy cakes just yet its not that simple now. In fact its now so complicate that one council has published a brochure and is running courses on how to put on a street party. Seriously!

The world has truly gone mad. But as these things have to be done I thought rather than decry their efforts I would help. One of the important things that anyone wishing to organise a street party has to do, other than arrange insurance and have police checks made on anyone who will help at the event or I guess anyone who is likely to walk within 40miles of the tables is to do a "risk assessment". This will be complicated so I have thought of a few things that must no doubt be included.

The following pose a risk, your risk assessment document must include what you will do if one or more happens:-

Cars drive along the road into the tables

The tables have splinters or sharp edges

The sun shines/ doesn't shine.

Tables collapse/wobble/drinks are spilled.

A Qantas A380 flies overhead and loses an engine.

The jelly doesn't set.

The rock cakes are burnt posing a cancer risk.

Someone tries to take a picture but has not obtained permission from everyone within 2 miles.

Someone takes a video clip on their mobile phone and Twitters it, they are not police checked.

A child has a nut allergy, is lactose intolerant, scared of cucumber or is allergic to weddings.

I could go on forever, the chances of anyone actually covering all risks by April is unlikely to near impossible. And lets face it Claims Direct are waiting to help anyone who so much as grazes a knee at an improperly managed event.

Still who wants to eat outside in April anyway.

Has the Goverment already lost the plot?

It was never going to be good when Cameron got into power but for a few brief weeks we though that he would do what it takes to bring the country back from the brink, of course that hope is fading fast.

We should have know, I mean when raving mad Thatcher was in number 10 she sold most of the UK to the lowest bidder saying it was in the country's interest as she lined her pockets with millions, so why would we expect anything different from Cameron.

Today the news has been of brand new never flown aircraft being smashed up at the Governments direction. That's OK they only cost billions to build and millions to destroy what the hell.

Maybe there is no role for the Nimrod but even if that were true there must be a better way to use a plane, not smash it into scrap.

So far the list of achievements for Cameron is not looking good:-

Trying to sell off our forests.

Aircraft less aircraft carriers.

Smashed up new aircraft.

Trashing the NHS.

Destroying police forces.

Highest petrol prices on record.

Riots on the streets of London.

And on and on............

The final insult to injury however must go to Mervin King of the Bank of England as he delights in telling us that we can expect biggest squeeze on our finances for 80yrs.

Remember we are all in this together, well everyone other than politicians and bankers that is.

Yippee a Royal wedding!

Isn't it great news there is to be a Royal wedding, OK, its actually pretty crap boring news for most of us and I couldn't give a toss for so many reasons. But at least my other half is doing the take 3 days leave and get 11 off thing when the wedding is on.

Does anyone care who the guy marries and when, the Royal family are so detached from the real world and there is hardly a "United" Kingdom for them to rule over any more. Convert Buck House into flats for illegal immigrants and be done with it I say, or is that Treason or some such.

Still that said there is one country who are loving the wedding fever and that as usual is China. With such short notice they are having the 6year olds work flat out to make all the toot people buy, from cups and saucers, plates and mugs to the union flags, its all coming from china.
Even Royal Doulton and Wedgwood are made in the Far East now so they can't save the day for the UK either.

How did we ever get to this, a Royal wedding means lots of cash for China.

The other nagging question is why do people buy the toot. Its never going to be on Antiques Roadshow and unless your really sad its not something you put on the wall or in a display cabinet, it will be just too common.
That coupled with the fact that the £10 mug you buy, with a hand applied transfer, is worth £8 as soon as you buy it and resale value of 50pence if your lucky makes you wonder what the point is.

I have a Diana and Charles mug in the loft, mum bought one for each of us, its been in the loft ever since and will be there until I'm dead and someone chucks it out.

At a going rate of 99p plus £3 p&P its not even worth an Ebay listing.

All disabled people are poor too?

In town today I was gob-smacked that the car park charge has gone up by an astonishing 90pence for 4 hours, that's gone up by not to.

I am sure there is some lefty green tree hugging reason the council will give, they want us to use public transport probably, but until they provide buses that don't smell of piss and dead people, run more than once an hour and don't take 4 times as long to get anywhere, I will still drive in.

I digress.
At lunch time we sat in a noodle bar about 500m from the car park looking out onto the main road. It was then that it hit me. Opposite the restaurant on the main road is disabled parking only and these parking bays are free. Why?

I am quite happy that a genuine disabled person should park a little closer to the town than most but why for free. Note I say genuine because those I saw parking seemed to walk up the hill without obvious disability.

It must be that disabled people are poor people. But if that is the case how is it that most of the cars parked there are newer than ours, and I recall last week watching a woman making a real cock-up of parking in the disabled bays in a new 4x4. So disabled can't all be poor.

So its an offence to discriminate against someone because of disability but it is perfectly acceptable to discriminate financially against me and everyone else without a disabled parking sticker, to the tune of at least £4.20 a morning.

Will someone please fix the potholes PROPERLY!

As my other half drove to work yesterday in the newly fixed car the front wheel met one of the many potholes in the road and ended up with another huge dent. Luckily the tyre didn't blow and not being an alloy with a lot of carefully placed sledge hammer blows most of the dent came out.

But why do I bother to report potholes to the council when they only send out a man with a spadeful of tar which he stamps into the hole with his trainers knowing full well that his company will make a stonking great profit filling the same hole all year.

One pothole repair nearby lasted a mere 4 days before it had all come out again.
I suggested to the council that the best way to save money is to fix it properly once, rather than to bodge it 12 time each year but it seems to have no effect. I guess the department is either run but fuckwits or they get a back hander from the contractors, or both.

The Essex roads are falling apart and yet the council highways waste money week after week.
A lorry with a spadeful of tar fills one hole but ignore one 10m away because its not on the list, and remember the contractor makes far more when the council calls them out tomorrow for that one.

It really isn't rocket science, say it costs £100 to drive out and do one pothole, (its probably far more), they drive 40min get out lorry put tar into crumbling hole, stamp it in and off.
The repair lasts a maximum of 7 days takes a fortnight to get back to the top of the list and so it goes around. That's a whopping £1200+ for one pothole every year.

The other option, the lorry comes out, with a road drill, a roller and proper road mix. The repair cost £400 but is done for years. Then they move onto the next pothole 20m away and as they are already there it only cost £300. See council I've already saved £700 a year and I've only done two pothole!

PLEASE someone explain to the council this simple logic.

Because I'm pissed off with dented wheels and if I have to tell them again Ill bash it into them with my wheel fixing hammer.

New Headlight Bulb only £351

The day the car steering failed the headlight blew too, me being me and thinking that's a 5min job sorted through my box of car bulbs and found a new one.
Looking behind the headlight I saw a large rubber bung which to my mind had to come off, so off it came. But there was no way that I was going to remove the bulb so I resorted to the manual.

If you know what WTF means then you won't mind me using it, if you don't know then it means oh dear, "to replace the headlamp bulb first remove the front grill". That's not a good start. "remove the 3 three headlamp unit retaining bolts", looking even worse, "remove the headlight unit while pulling the bumper towards the centre to allow the unit to clear the edge of the bumper, do not pull the bumper more than 10mm" but it doesn't move it a cold day and cold plastic doesn't give at all.

It only took 20min to remove the headlight unit, but another 30 to replace it. I thought it was just me until I collected the car from the mechanic after the steering problem and mentioned the headlight. "that's nothing" he replied "the dealers manual for (and I forget the make) says changing the headlight bulb is an 80min job.
So hold on, the main agent here charges £95 an hour plus VAT, that's £151 without the bulb.

But that's not the worst of it, certain new gas headlamps are £200 for the actual bulb, but thankfully they are designed to last the life of the car, but unfortunately a lot don't or if the do the "bulb control unit" fails and its £220. Crikey!

So thanks to modern technology what used to be a 5 min job and cost about £1 could now be a £351 job taking 80minutes. No way, they can't be serious.

No wonder I see so many cars with only one headlight, no court in the land will ever fine that much for a duff headlight.

Fuel discounts for remote areas

Sometimes the government has good ideas and implements things that not only help MPs but ordinary people too. Granted this doesn't happen very often.
I mean if they were serious that "we are all in this together" why is it that 2000 people in one council are losing their jobs but you don't hear of any MPs being declared redundant.

I digress again. The latest great idea to help the common folk being muttered about is the idea of a discounted petrol scheme for people in places like "the Scottish Highlands, parts of Wales, Northern Ireland and parts of England".
The idea is to help reduce the "burden of fuel costs for people in remote areas". That's nice for them isn't it. They deserve a break don't they, I mean all that countryside, peace and quite they have to put up with, they have a bad time don't they.

No wait, what the hell, how come people will be given a discount just because they happen to live in a nice quiet rural location. How will this work. Does Mr Rich get a nice discount so he can fill his 18mpg Range Rover at half the price I have to pay to fill my 40mpg Ford.

This must be one of the most crackpot schemes since the last crackpot idea they came up with, which was probably selling off the National Forests. http://tinyurl.com/6yoxhrl

I am sure this will be done in such a way that the oil companies don't lose out, 20p a litre increase for the rest of us should safeguard profits.

Oh, and I have just declare my house a remote location.

Don't Buy a Ford Fiesta!

There was a time when Ford Motor Company made good cars, back in the days of the Cortina and the Mk1 and 2 Escorts. That was the time when a car drove towards and I could tell you what it was before I read the badge. Now so many are morphing into a standard shape it gets hard to tell them apart.

I used to like Ford cars, I had three different Escorts, including my boy racer red XR3i (for 13yrs) before I got tempted away with a couple of Vauxhalls.

Then 3 years ago when we needed to have two cars we got a Fiesta.
All was fine until 2weeks ago when as the other half drove out of the garage and off down the road I saw two puddles of red liquid on the garage floor. Dashing inside I grabbed the mobile and issued an immediate recall to base.

Upon closer inspection my fears worsened, I realised the liquid was viscous and obviously hydraulic fluid. Argh!!!

This is where the bad news began. Apparently Ford know that the steering racks on Fiestas are crap but lucky for them they mostly fail after warranty so they can tell customers to get lost.

Our Fiesta is 3yrs 6months old, the going rate to replace the defective rack is anything between £700 and £1300. Deep joy.

Not wanting to get stitched up by a main agent I got the AA to tow me or rather the car to a local garage. After various problems the new steering rack is fitted but here again Ford get another laugh.

Let me digress a few moments. I am buying my other half a new Laptop which was assembled in China Thursday was at Shanghai yesterday and will be here tomorrow.

Back to the car. Everything is in place and all that is needed is two small rubber O'rings from Ford. But wait, they know these steering racks fail, they know people have to replace them but they can't get the mechanic two O'rings in under 2 weeks.

Thanks a bloody lot Ford Motor Company, even if I did like the look of any of you current models rest assured I won't be buying any from you any more.

Points from the News

Its been a while since I covered points from the news so I thought I would take a quick look at a few of the UK headlines at the moment.

Freaky Scarecrow expecting.

The biggest news of the week on one Channel is that Victoria Beckham is expecting, oh joy a whole article regarding the fact they have 3 boys and will they have a girl.
I am not alone in not giving a sod what she has but I had a fantastic laugh as she tried to do her usual stupid stand for the cameras, hopping sideways with her left leg stuck out and making a face that would sour the milk instantly. The woman looks like a freaky scarecrow. How does someone with so little talent get in the news. Oh that's right her husband can kick a football. Shame he cant string a sentence together though.

New Planet Discovered
More amazing news, scientists have discovered another planet.
Its apparently a bloody long way off and with temperatures of 1000 degC unlikely to have life on it but its been described as a significant discovery. Other than to show what planet Earth will look like when the sun eventually expands what possible use is this discovery.
Of course we only have their word that it exists, its too far away for anyone else but their telescope to see, and if you were facing funding cuts due to a recession you would want some startling news to announce too. Wouldn't you.

Undercover Cop gives evidence for the defence
A metropolitan police officer who had been working undercover for several years to infiltrate a load of lefty green twits has decided that although the tax payer paid his wages to make sure that people breaking the law were prosecuted he would side with the tree huggers and refuse to give evidence for the prosecution.
That's jolly good of him, I hope he still feels on side with the great unwashed when the Met take his salary back and cancel his pension.

Demand a Pay rise

One or other of the union people made a fair comment this week when he said people must demand their pay rises this year. His reasoning is that if the people who caused the financial melt down are still getting massive bonuses why the hell should anyone who's done nothing wrong suffer. He has a good point.

So when its time for you to have a pay review this year remember to tell your boss that if he doesn't give you at least 6% you will go and work abroad.

That should do it!

NO ENTRY to National Forests

Its at times when the world is falling apart that it is nice to get away from it all, take a stroll along the beach or maybe go for a walk in one of England's forests. Ah yes the green and pleasant lands where you can forget the stress of everyday life.

If your idea of a relaxing time is to lose yourself in the forest with nothing but the trees and birds for company you might want to get out there quick. Our wonderful government is now selling off all the country's publicly owned forests. That's anything managed by the forestry commission I am told.

Its OK they tell us, although they are being sold off we will still have access to them, but we wont. One forest that included a visitors centre, car park and picnic area is now privately owned and the car park is gone the visitor centre shut and a steel fence stops all access.

Its good to know that the government stands to make £1.2billion from the sales of these forests, I am sure they will use it wisely, maybe bail out another bank so bonuses can be paid. Meanwhile the rest of us can enjoy the fact that we will no longer have to buy wellington boots for that walk in the forest.

Ironic when you consider their logo don't your think

One Law For The Rich ..........

Its that time of year again when the bastard rich bankers who trashed most of our financial systems get their massive bonuses simply for being, well, bastard bankers.

Despite the government (run by millionaires remember) telling the banks that they should not give these huge sums of money to people who are really crooks in suits the banks are ignoring any new rules and laws and paying out anyway.

It would not be so bad if banks actually looked after customers, maybe paid us a little interest on our money or lent someone money for a house, but oh no, they are only in it for themselves now.

The line rolled out time and again that "if we don't pay them they will leave and go abroad" is getting pretty thin. Where are these abroad job that these bankers will just walk into, even if they existed outside the deranged minds of the bankers themselves how many employers would want a new member who left his last employer "because he refused to pay me £10million bonus".

Its obscene that these bankers get paid at all after the mess they have put the rest of us into, and yet when anyone tried to curb this injustice its just laughed off and the money gets paid.

The idiom one law for the rich and another for the poor was never truer than when it come to the mega rich bankers who see themselves above any laws.

There is only once small consolation, as the roads fall apart and litter mounts up as councils run out of money the rich might too dent a wheel on the 4x4 in a pothole as they drive past thumbing their noses as the rest of us.

Bastards !

Am I the only one not nicking from Sainsburys?

There is a new Sainsburys said to be the biggest in the country which was I believe built especially to allow the Obese people to get through the isles to the cake counter faster, the previous store isles were only 6ft wide and restricted the access of at least two women I see there.

The new store has "Scan and Go", this allows you to scan each item as you put it into the trolley. Its a system I have used in other stores but here there is a slight difference. In other stores after shopping you hand the scanner to someone on the tills and then there is a chance the system will select you for a re-scan to ensure your not nicking too much.

With this new scan and go after shopping you put the scanner in its holder pay with your credit card and off you scarper.

Hold on, there are people I see in Sainsburys that I wouldn't trust with an empty bean can so I know darn well some of them will be scanning one bottle of Chardonnay and taking home 3 yet there is nothing to stop them.

You can even nick the good stuff, last week I went to the till with a bottle with a security tag on it and the woman said "I'll remove that for you" but didn't make any checks that I'd scanned it as she handed me the de-tagged bottle.

Am I the only one who isn't nicking like crazy from the store.

Are Sainsburys so gullible that they trust Mrs Slapper, in her lycra joggers and stained white t-shirt, to actually pay for the 5 bottles of Vodka in the trolley beside the ready meals and cream cakes.

There are so many scams you could pull with scan and go that they must be being carried out all the time. Yet it seems Sainsburys are quite happy to trust anyone with a Nectar card to pay for the shopping that they take home.

I feel left out if everyone else is getting their shopping for a fraction of the cost with scan and go, but no one told me how much I am allowed to nick, as an honest shopper I must be subsidising the nicking of others. That's just not on.

There must be a level of nicking that is expected on the scan and go which is being covered by profits so come on Sainsburys play the white man, tell the rest of us how much we can nick, I'm darned that I'm paying for Slapper's vodka every week!