Life, The Universe and Small Things all covered in one friendly blog.
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11 February, 2011

Must have more gadgets.

It amazes me the number of gadgets I have, especially when I don't think of myself as a gadget person, I still think that my gadget habit is nothing compared to some.

There are those who must always have the latest version of everything, they would never dare be seen with a Gadget version 3 when a 4 is on the market. There are also the "ill wait until" group of gadget people. These are the "well I was going to buy a ipad but the ipad x is released in 4 months so there is no point buying the x-1 is there" group.
No probably not any point buying anything using their logic because the x+1 will be out in a year.

How did we ever get this way with gadgets and can you imagine what would happen if this style of shopping spread.

I imagine a trip to Sainsburys for the weekly shop could go like this :-
Apples, um no there will be new season apples in 7 months so leave those, cheese, no perhaps not I hear they are making a new style low fat cheddar so I should wait. Milk, ah no there is a new recyclable bottle on the way so best leave that for the moment. Wine, oh that's the 2009 the 2010 must be ready soon so that's off the list too.

Or the other extreme where the trolley has to be filled with every item that has the word "new" on it, even when we know "new" in the context of Sainsburys only means a different packaging or a few less grams in the wrapper.

But of course no one would dream of food shopping in such a stupid way.
So how did we end up in the cycle of gadget buying upgrading and buying more gadgets, simple, the advertisers tell us that we are not the person we should be if we don't have their latest piece of tech plastic.

And its true, if we don't have their latest iphone, ipad,i-gadgety-blueberry-techno-tv-googler we are not the person we could be, we are actually a little better, financially in any case.

03 February, 2011

Recycle if you can!

It is increasingly clear that once the government has finished cutting everything there won't be much of anything that isn't run privately. Although we pay more and more tax less and less will be spent on us, unless your a banker in which case you won't be allowed to suffer.

Its just as well that the majority of us won't be able to afford anything other than the essentials because the latest service facing cuts is recycling and rubbish disposal.

There is gossip that our local recycling it to close, this means a round trip of 14 miles to the next nearest site, not very eco all those extra cars making that trip, also not really worth going that far when there are plenty of laybys and ditches that have proved perfectly adequate for the gypsies to dump everything into for many years.

Once again I blame the politicians and bankers and so I propose a solution.

It is only fair that those causing the problem play a part in solving it and on this occasion its quite simple.
Bankers and politicians usually own big cars, often 4x4s that with the doors open can easily be used as a skip. They also usually have large gardens where we can throw such things as mattresses and the like.

So come on lets give them just a little of the crap they are giving us.
Ill happily publish all comments giving addresses of bankers who are opting into this scheme. When I say opting in I mean in the same way we opted in to pay them £million pound bonuses.

02 February, 2011

Your guide to having a street party.

Remember the past, when you organised something and it happened, when the street decided to have a party and the most important thing to organise was tables and 60 chairs.
The village where I lived put a post across the road set up the tables and had a party. The thunder cracked the rain fell like no tomorrow and a local school teachers house was hit by lightning and set ablaze. Wow, those were the good old days weren't they.

At last, we have a reason to have another street party "The Wedding" .

Hold on don't rush to make the fairy cakes just yet its not that simple now. In fact its now so complicate that one council has published a brochure and is running courses on how to put on a street party. Seriously!

The world has truly gone mad. But as these things have to be done I thought rather than decry their efforts I would help. One of the important things that anyone wishing to organise a street party has to do, other than arrange insurance and have police checks made on anyone who will help at the event or I guess anyone who is likely to walk within 40miles of the tables is to do a "risk assessment". This will be complicated so I have thought of a few things that must no doubt be included.

The following pose a risk, your risk assessment document must include what you will do if one or more happens:-

Cars drive along the road into the tables

The tables have splinters or sharp edges

The sun shines/ doesn't shine.

Tables collapse/wobble/drinks are spilled.

A Qantas A380 flies overhead and loses an engine.

The jelly doesn't set.

The rock cakes are burnt posing a cancer risk.

Someone tries to take a picture but has not obtained permission from everyone within 2 miles.

Someone takes a video clip on their mobile phone and Twitters it, they are not police checked.

A child has a nut allergy, is lactose intolerant, scared of cucumber or is allergic to weddings.

I could go on forever, the chances of anyone actually covering all risks by April is unlikely to near impossible. And lets face it Claims Direct are waiting to help anyone who so much as grazes a knee at an improperly managed event.

Still who wants to eat outside in April anyway.