Life, The Universe and Small Things all covered in one friendly blog.
Remember DON'T PANIC! .

14 November, 2012

Carbon Neutral heating - or maybe not.

There are people in the world who believe that something can be done about global warming, they seriously think that even though the ice age ended itself without the assistance of Range Rover 4x4s that by buying their electricity from Green Southern Elec-Trickingyou Ltd they will save the planet.

Everyone is jumping on the band waggon, saying that their product will save the planet,  Dyson for example sell a vacuum cleaner that has no carbon brushes in the motor and  claim it "emits no carbon". Seems they miss the small point that the carbon dust sent out from electric motors is nothing to do with the carbon dioxide which has nothing to do with global warming.
Now even the local log company is trying to claim the green moral high ground. The advert at the top of this entry includes the line "providing you with carbon neutral heating". Really ?
Hold on, they are telling me that burning logs is carbon neutral. Using their logic you can say the same for coal and gas, oh and probably petrol too.
I bet their argument will be that the trees are from sustainable forests, oh yes that's it, still that doesn't negate the fact that when you burn a tree it releases carbon along with other pollutants. 
Ok ill be generous, if they give you a tree and then plant another then eventually the carbon you release will be taken back. No hold on, the tree would still only be carbon neutral if it was cut down by hand saw, then dragged to your door on the back of a donkey.
But it isn't, these logs are from Sweden where they will have been cut using a petrol saw, loaded using a diesel tractor taken by diesel truck to a drying kiln and probably dried using gas. Loaded onto a oil powered ship and brought to the UK where they go by road to the distribution yards and eventually delivered to your door on the back of a diesel pickup.

So exactly how carbon neutral is heating by logs?

11 November, 2012

This is an Important Anouncement!

I don't watch adverts, I have said this before, but I do see them.
What do I mean , well when I am at my gym slogging away on the treadmill they refuse to fast forward the ads on the screens so I can't avoid them.
Most recently there has been an increase of the " THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT"
I remember when I was a kid if that caption was on the screen it mean someone important had died or we had declared war. These days it means nothing so interesting, now it means "here comes an advert for a company you don't need"
It's is usually for blasted PPIs, which if you we're daft enough to fall for its your own fault, and is there anyone in the country who is actually stupid enough to believe there will be an important announcement in every break during deal or no deal? No need to answer that, the existence of that program proves there must be.
Since these scum companies have taken over the Important Anouncement field if there ever is anything important to alert the nation to we will all miss it, assuming its PPIs we will remain slogging along on the treadmill or making a cup of tea before Noel Edmunds returns with another set of people prepared to pretend they see any point in his TV quiz.

01 November, 2012

Victims need closure ?

It is risky but I will  comment on the hype that is this Jimmy Savile investigation.

The number of people who claim to have been assaulted by him grows every day, and since there was mention of compensation the number has jumped to about 400 and will no doubt go higher.

The police will take all the reports they can get, its great for the detection rate stats, and solicitors will make a fortune representing anyone who wants to claim he molested them.

I have had conversations with people on twitter who tell me that the victims have to be heard, believed and given closure. That these victims must seek counselling and be given support. Really?

And here is exactly where I get stuck.
Imagine listening in on the session between one of the victims and the professional trying to trash their brain and bring back all the bad memories, sorry I meant to say the counsellor.

Victim " It was terrible what he did to me"
Counsellor "Its OK you did nothing wrong and he is dead now he can not hurt you any more"
V " But I feel so terrible about it"
C "Its OK you did nothing wrong and he is dead now he can not hurt you any more"
V " He did things to me that I will never forget"
C "Its OK you did nothing wrong and he is dead now he can not hurt you any more"
....... and so on forever .

The closure can not be any more final than he is dead, talking about it now will make it worse for any victim I guarantee.
I have no doubt that there are people who are jumping on the band waggon and making false claims and if there is even the risk that one of these people is awarded compensation for something that did not happen then no compensation must be awarded to anyone.

He is dead.
That is closure!

27 October, 2012

The Wifi Prayer

Our wifi who art around us hallowed be thy signal.
The data comes, for everyone in home and in office.
Give us this day our blog updates and deliver the twitter, the facebook and apps you send us.
Find the searches on google, and deliver us the email.
For wifi has the power the way and the signal.
Forever and ever
Login !
Copyright Essexblogger 2012

25 October, 2012

It's still just snake oil!

I was in the local chemist today, I walked and was worried because I thought I had walked into a meeting of a local OAP organisation. There must have been 50 people, all over 60 and all there for one reason, prescription drugs!

The older generation are very quick to pour scorn on the young for drug abuse, smoking the occasional joint or maybe one of those weird blue tablets that make them high or low or whatever they do at the clubs. Yet once they hit a certain age OAPs seem to be popping lethal prescription drugs without question.

There is a lot of talk  about statins with doctors saying that everyone over 50 should be prescribed them to stop 1 in 100000 of us dying of a heart attack or stroke or some such thing. Some doctors, probably the ones getting a good backhander from the statins manufacturer, have been on TV, radios and the WWW saying how these drugs are the best thing since sliced ham. 
So why is it every time I hear these doctors all I can think of is an old western where an outlaw is selling snake oil from the back of a cart, scamming everyone that it is the elixir of life.

Those advocating statins don't mention that more people are likely to die from the side effects than from a heart attack, or that the statins industry is worth £28billion world wide. Those who survive the statins may well find their lives destroyed by the drug.  
If they were still being offered from the back of a wagon by a man with a leather hat and a colt 45 we would all run a mile. But now the snake oil salesmen have got clever, they call themselves GPs and everyone is happy.

Statins are just the tip of the iceberg, there are millions of drugs prescribed every day that do more harm than good. Many of the old folk I saw will be taking something for old age followed by something to counteract the side effects of that drug and then something to replace something that the second drug depletes them of and so on until the prescription is 10 drugs or more. It doesn't take a genious to work out each OAP in bringing in a few £thousand a year for the drug industry.
It has even been proved that as soon as you start taking some drugs your body develops immediate dependence on them, diabetes being a classic example. An illness that can be cured by diet alone but if word got out would cost the industry billions. Still as long as they get you to start on their drug your body shuts down its own defences and you are hooked. Think £millions.

At least snake oil salesmen back in the wild west left town as soon as they had scammed everyone and the oil didn't do any harm.

Today some are happy to keep going back for more and more snake oil, as long as the doctor says take it they don't question it.
Most probably the chat as they all meet in the chemist has done them far more good than their prescription drugs ever will.

Interesting the choice of symbol used by the medical prefession too, dont you think ?

Where the heck have I been?

I am sure that anyone who is a regular reader of this blog assumes that I have either given up writing or died.
No such luck, I am still here and about to start writing again.
So where have I been, simple I have been busy doing other things.
I have other responsibilities along side writing this blog I also have a very active Twitter account where provide expert advice on a multitude of subjects. And on top of that I was out of the country for a while.

But here I am, back and ready to start imparting words of wisdom or just general nonsense comments on the workings of the world.

Sorry if you have missed me, sorry if you haven't .


02 May, 2012

Olympic Security - a danger to everyone!

Today is an historic day, its the first day since the Second World War that fighter jets have been stationed to protect the skies over London.
Don't panic we are not at war, its just the Olympics.
We are not allowed to ask why it is OK to turn London into a military zone just so someone can run, jump, throw or whatever, and anyone who dares to question it is being "unpatriotic". We are all supposed to think the Olympics is brilliant. Although 57% in a survey could not give a fury duck about it.

It is all about advertising, a team of people will even be employed to make sure someone like me doesn't publish a logo like this or a You Tube clip of anything inside the stadium. Its an add campaign financed by the tax payer costing £11billion,  put on for a minority of people. Still don't let that stop the security of the games taking president over everything. Including the safety of anyone not at the stadium.

The security is completely unusable. It has been said that it will be better to sacrifice 200 innocent people on a hijacked plane rather than let it crash into the stadium. But if that is even a possibility then the games should not go ahead.

If a missile is launched resulting in any civilian casualties there would be more civil unrest in this country than anyone could imagine. If anyone is shot by one of the snipers and it turned out that the only offence they had committed was wearing a Pepsi T-shirt inside the stadium beside the Coca Cola stand then the games would be over, forever.

There will be military and police boats on the Thames with the power and equipment to sink other craft, imagine that, a pleasure craft could be targeted and sunk because they believe a terrorist is on board only to find that its grandad with his zimmer frame using it to point at a swan.

The Olympics is not about sport, its only about money and the Army, Navy, Air force and Police are being employed at full strength to ensure that the advertising goes on.

The security is operation overkill and all we can hope is that is doesn't turn into operation civilian killed, because if that happens the country will never forgive Coe and the other idiots who think its a good idea to turn London into a military zone in the alleged name of sport.

25 April, 2012

Why can somone be worth more dead than alive?

I have already been criticised for this question on Twitter but when has that ever stopped me saying what I think. It is not mean as disrespectful to anyone, if you take it that way that is up to you.

In the London Marathon last weekend thousands of people ran for charity, well  they will tell you that but in the majority of cases the truth will be more that they wanted to run the marathon and decided to get sponsored to do it. I doubt anyone actually thought I have to run this for all the homeless hamsters in the world and if I don't my life is worthless.

Sponsorship is something I have never understood, why would I want to give someone money to go and do something they want to do so that they can give it to a charity. Why not just be honest and tell me that they think I should give money to homeless hamsters or one legged ducks or whatever.

Yet millions of people are not logical, they don't think it strange to give away money for someone to walk the great wall of China, or amble 20miles through the wonderful countryside.

What makes sponsorship even stranger is what happened at the weekend. A woman died while running and because she died hundreds of thousands of pounds has been given to the charity she was running for.
According to one person who slagged me off already  "she gave her life for a charity". No sorry she didn't, she died while she was running and happened to have been sponsored for £500 for the charity. There is a world of difference.

It is terrible that the woman died, and her friends and relatives must be in a terrible state, but none of this explains why thousands of people gave money to the charity she had been sponsored for. What about all the people who ran for equally or more worthy charities, just because they didn't die they get deserve less?

I am not, as one person suggested, being disrespectful to the dead woman, why would I want to be, all I am trying to do is understand why anyone can be worth more dead than alive, why so many think that sending money to a charity does anything relevant to her death and why most of those people had not already given to The Samaritans before.

There is a comment button below, if you have a view please share it.


The Great UK Drought Scam

As I sit with rain lashing against the conservatory roof the rain gauge is showing that we have had another 20 mm of rain  in the last 5 days, taking the total to over 40mm this month so far. I sound a bit weather geek but its only a plastic rain gauge for £5.99 stuck in the garden.

And the point of sharing this information, simple, this area of the UK is officially in DROUGHT.

Hands up anyone who thinks 40mm of rain in a month is a drought, OK and now anyone working for a privatised water company put your hands down. Look no hands.

The most likely reason that the water companies think we are in a drought is because they have all moved their offices to India, with the next reason being that the population of the country has doubled in 80yrs but water towers have been ripped down or sold off, under ground reservoirs have been filled in and built upon and not a single new reservoir has been built.

But, you might say, the environment agency have just been on TV showing a river depth gauge that's showing how low the river is.
That man made depth gauge stuck in the river shows what? We are given an expected depth for April but that is a figure completely made up, is has no relevance other than for someone to say "oh look how low this river is" If you started working out the averages this year then when  the river is 3 metres deep you would be saying the river is very flooded for this time of year.

Nature is nature, it didn't grow a depth gauge and it doesn't have a correct level of water for a river, the river drains the rain away if and when it comes. It is only man that has decided how much water should be in the river at any given time and that is decided by how much the water companies need.

There is no drought in the UK, I have collected 300ltr of water just off of my greenhouse roof and the waterbutts have been overflowing for a week. But there are privatised water companies who have not invested in collection and storage enough to keep up with the massive explosion of population in this country.
They have however put up our bills by an average 6% this month. They didnt say as much about that as they did about hosepipe bans, did they.

16 April, 2012

Professorship in Wrong - And statins kill

An article I read the other day just touched upon something very important.
It said that although people have been told that they need to take statins to reduce their cholesterol scientists are realising that statins are not safe, we don't need to take them and that if you do you are more likely to die from cancer. Great, good one the medical profession.

Eating just 2 apples a day will control your cholesterol level with no side effects, well other than the $26billion industry in the USA alone producing statins might suffer as golden delicious take over. But cholesterol is probably not harmful after all, its all to do with inflammation and not cholesterol.

Your GP won't tell you you don't need them after all because he can't be seen to have been wrong, he has also agreed with a supplier to prescribe their Statins. Go on I dare you to ask a GP "is it true statins are dangerous and no one needs them" I bet you get a " I don't know who told you that but statins are the most important drug since ......."

Back to the point, what was also mentioned is that although someone may be a professor or an "important" person with letters after their name maybe even  published numerous papers or articles on a subject, if they are wrong they are wrong, no matter how many times they write about something.

No matter how clever, anyone can be wrong, the more they write and publish about a theory the less likely they are to firstly to realise they are wrong, and secondly if they do they find they have been wrong they  are very unlikely to stand up and say " hey guys, sorry all the papers I have published in 20yrs are wrong, oops, as you were". The world was once, without question flat remember!

Someone famous once said "a theory maybe taken as fact, but only until another theory comes along".

So next time an eminent person stands up and tells us something is fact say thank you smile and suggest they please contact you again if they change their mind.

Remember, the only information you know for certain is true is what you read here ,and if I find I have been wrong I promise I will tell you.

06 April, 2012

Stuart Turner Pumps

The other week I read an article about how the furniture industry pay for "independent assessors" to turn up when people have a problem, they then write reports saying there is nothing wrong,  I was disgusted that customers are treated this way.
Then I had a problem with a Stuart Turner shower pump and experiences the situation first hand.

Initially I was extremely pleased, when I phoned up their pump assist line to say I had a problem with a pump that is only 16 months old,  the guy took details and within the week an engineer was attending, it all seemed so easy.

I had expected the engineer to come in with a new pump or at least a tool box so I was a little bemused that he only had a clipboard and pen. A pleasant enough chap I showed him to the offending pump and without even looking at it he started ripping off the pipe lagging in the cupboard. Next he asked to go into the loft and on the way up asked "are you off the water tower" , "not a clue" I replied.

He clambered into the loft and lifting the top of the 100 gallon tank there exclaimed that was the problem, my tank fills too slowly, "you have really low pressure downstairs don't you?" " um no, really good actually".

He explained that what was happening was I was running the tank empty taking a shower and causing problems with the pump. I don't think I used that much water, not for a shower!

He proceeded to turn on both showers on full and hot and let them run for 10 mins to prove my tank would empty. After using my days supply of hot and costing me a few quid in water he clambered back into the loft, I could almost hear his disappointment, the tank had only gone down about 5%.

OK so can't blame it on the water the next thing was to start on the pipework, jackpot, look this is 15mm pipe it should be 22mm and oh look another bit of 15mm here too. I could hear the joy in his voice.

He hadn't even looked at the pump and during the whole visit the only time he touched it was to stick one of his company adverts onto it, it was at this point I realised the way it works.
Unless the pump is fitted 100% to a load of details in a booklet that comes with it then even if the pump was manufactured with half its bits missing its not their fault, its an "installation problem".

The guy was possibly a very good plumber/engineer but his only purpose on behalf of Stuart Turner Pumps is to find a get out for their warranty to be void.

I had been told that the pumps are so well made you can "run them with the valves closed" , yet when a section of 15mm pipe is found where they say it should be 22mm in their booklet, not matter what any plumber on earth may say your warranty is void.

"Its usually installation faults that cause the problem" , yes I bet it is, I also bet he didn't have a replacement pump in his car and probably not even a spanner. I can imagine him telling all his mates how in 10yrs of being contracted to Stuart Turner Pumps he hasn't yet not managed to find a reason to void the warranty.

Maybe they do sell thousands of pumps that have no problem, but I wonder how many of the people who have a problem ever manage to get it fixed under warranty. Oh and did I mention a huge call out charge if they don't find a problem with the pump.

The moral of this entry, don't waste money on an expensive pump with 5yrs warranty, go buy something cheap, then when it fails after a few years you can chuck it out and buy another and still be in pocket.

05 April, 2012

Anglian Water Hosepipe Ban is a disgrace!

From today 20 million people in the UK can't use their hoses. Well unless you have a Blue Badge for your car, which for some reason exempts you. Yes really!
It would make sense if every water company in the area was banning hoses but some companies, right in the middle of the "drought area", are happy that they have no need to bring in a ban and see no problem with supply this year.

Our provider is Anglian Water, and they have introduced a ban, yet just 12 miles away the water company there has not.

I bet that if anyone from Anglian was asked about this they would reply along the lines of "the other company covers a far smaller area and fewer customers than Anglian".  So what have Anglian done about this, have they build more reservoirs in the last 30 years, have they improved water capture in this part of the country to make water available for the millions of new housed built around the South East in the last 20 years. NO!

All Anglian water have done to ensure that they provide water for their customers is fix a few pipes, put up the prices and hoped it rains.

Now that we have had a period of dry weather (but didn't it rain loads last summer)  its up to "everyone to play their part and conserve water"
Buy a water butt from Anglian water and you can get one half price, it will still cost you more than 2 from a DIY store which goes to prove that Anglian Water is in the business of making money not providing a service.
Of course I agree water should not be wasted and we are lucky in the UK to be able to turn on a tap and have safe drinking water. But as some companies can manage water storage during this "drought" then it proves beyond any arguments that the companies that are imposing bans are just not good at their jobs.

If you are unhappy with a shop, your electricity/gas supplier or maybe your car mechanic you simply go elsewhere, but with water you are stuck there is no choice, so if like 20 million people you have a company that is just not up to the job its tough. I guess some locals around here are thinking I'm wrong and just look at Abberton they are spending millions on the reservoir, yes they are, its in the middle of Anglian Water area but its not theirs and the water from there doesn't go to the local area.

And what happens if we don't have what Anglian Water call "enough rain", they will impose further restrictions until I guess the taps stop running and we have stand pipes.

If your a share holder dont worry, we wont be seeing a reduction in the daily standing charge so profits are safe.

27 March, 2012

Sainsbury's - Dont trust their price comparison info!

Sometimes I need to write a lot but on this occasion a simple picture says so much.
Salisbury's try to con people into buying more expensive products by giving incorrect information.

And here is their latest amazing attempt to catch people out, but you would have to be mental not to spot it :-

30 January, 2012

Grifters - Or as they prefer to be known, Bankers

There is a really good programme on TV called Hustle in which a group of grifters set about pulling off amazing con tricks on all sorts of people. They make a very good living out of these high value scams and always seems to be one step ahead of the law. The programme is fiction, but hold on is it.....

Move on to a subject I have touched on before, possibly a few times, the City Bankers.
These people have grifting off to an art way ahead of the team depicted on the Hustle. They continue to take millions of pounds from all of us every day and although now and again there is a rumble in the papers no one goes to prison and no one is stopping them.

If anyone dares to suggest that a certain banker isn't worth his £6million bonus they trot out the same old grifters cry, "you need to pay me this because otherwise Ill leave". OK leave, we won't miss you.
And if that doesn't do it they say " you have to pay me millions or you will get someone who doesn't do this job as well as me", really?  Aren't all the overpaid bankers in the main the same ones we were paying millions to when they let the financial system around the world crash. "Oh yes but you have to remember that wasn't our fault, no one saw that coming".... and so they drone on.

The amazing thing is the number of people who are falling for the grifting clap trap they spout and continue to pay million to someone who is doing a job that is no more difficult than any other but who have built themselves up in the imagination as being super human beings, people who are preventing the entire financial system, and therefore the planet, from crumbling down.

Why isn't anyone able to knock these people down to size. Its not difficult to see through them to the fact that they are holding the entire country to ransom, blackmailing the country and making millions for doing very little.

I suggest that not a single one of them could not be replaced with someone equally as good who would be more than happy to do it for a fraction of the cost of these self appointed gods of finance. Yet for some reason no one has the bottle to tell them to go.

How people have let themselves be fooled by these grifters and continue to do so is amazing and as they laugh at us from their multi-million pound life styles we can only hope that one day they will be exposed for the people they are.
Bankers are nothing special, just grifters who rather than scamming individuals are managing to take whole countries for billions.

grift (grft) Slang
1. Money made dishonestly, as in a swindle.
2. A swindle or confidence game.
v. grift·ed, grift·ing, grifts
To engage in swindling or cheating.
To obtain by swindling or cheating.

25 January, 2012

National Saving and Investiments - Security gone mad!

We are all pleased when the people looking after our money are making sure it is secure but sometimes the security they use is not only over complicated but pretty much useless too.

Take for example NS&I, otherwise known as the UK National Savings and Investments.

I bought some premium bonds the other month and when  I did this they registered me for on line management of my account. While doing this they sent me a form to complete and sign requesting a password for the account they had set up for me.
I completed the form and sent it off, but, silly me in the meantime I have shredded the letter they sent me with the number to log in with.
So I went on the website and hit "forgotten customer number", expecting it to be like every other banking organisation that I either fill in a form or complete an on line contact form, nope it says ring them to request they resend the number.

I phoned, a lad called Kevin answered and in between calling me sir every second word told me that they can't send me the number unless I write to them. But its the 21st century no one writes letters this is crazy you sent me the number in the first place, I just want it sent again to the same address as last time.

He transferred me to a lady who thankfully didn't feel the need to say sir every other word, but oh, this is not what I expected she wants to re-set my password. OK, maybe we do this first so it has to be letters including one uppercase also numbers and also non-numeric, and I have to remember this, no chance.

So she sets up my password as HowtheF***ingHelldo1rememberth15 and then says is there anything else I can do for you, Um yes, I need my customer number, its great having the password changed for no reason but I can't log in without the number which is why I phoned.

We cant send that to you unless you write to us because you could be anyone at that address who has happened to find the password. Um, OK I am now laughing insanely down the phone at her.

So I am supposed to go on line print off a form and send it in so they can send me a form with my customer number which actually would be no use to anyone but me because its me who has changed the password now in any case.

Quite how that is more secure than them just sending me the bloody number now I have asked for it is beyond me and I really can't be asked to bother.

But this is a government organisation so why I was expecting sensible I don't know.

23 January, 2012

The rich continue to screw us .....

I have blogged about solar panels before but they continue to annoy me as more and more of them are going up. Every time I see one I realise that's another increase in my electricity bill for at least 25yrs and there is the other side to them, they look really ugly.

Look at the picture above of a local house, there is nothing attractive about the one on the right it just looks a mess. And its not as if people fitting all these panels are going to ensure we all have electricity in the future is it, I mean when do people need electricity most, yep that's right at night.

All this is bad enough but the latest thing that is really annoying is the super rich who are putting hundreds of these things in spare fields.
A friend said to me the other day that one of their friends is now earning "£25,000" a year from the government for the power from his cells in a spare field". NO!  Its not from the government mate its from the rest of us consumers who are at the moment paying £1each a month to these people and at this rate it will be paying £20.

The government, seeing that there will be a problem if this continues, tried to change the 43p a unit that people are given to a more sensible level but all their  rich mates are jumping up and down saying it will cause job losses if people don't get to make a stonking profit from their cells.

Even the super rich Deborah  Meaden intends to cash in on it and is also complaining that the government needs to leave the tariff at the unrealistic level.

It seems that not content with being rich some people who are not lucky enough to be bankers so they screw the country directly are now happy to screw each and every one of us under the disguise of being "green".

May the rich get richer and the rest of us pay, nothing new there then.

Thanks for the plant ! How lovely.......

I open the door and there they are, "Its great to see you, come in"  But what is this, they have a large black pot containing a .....
"They had these reduced at the garden centre and we thought one would look lovely in a pot growing up an obelisk on your decking"
Oh did you.... "Oh how lovely, thank you so much! ...... so where is the pot and obelisk then. "I'll just put in out on the patio" .... not sure I wanted a muddy pot on the worktop where I am about to prepare your dinner.
As I put it on the patio I am already thinking sod them why not just bring chocolates or wine!

You think me ungrateful don't you, that's OK, let me explain something then you might change your mind.

Two weeks later, the pot containing the Might-flower-for-a-day-in-july-opsis is still on the patio so its time to take action. Strangely there isn't an empty pot with a spare obelisk anywhere to be found in the garden so its off to the garden centre.
First £4 gone just in petrol.
At the garden centre yipee they have a pot sale, don't they always wonder why that is, and after 10 minutes of deciding I have a suitable pot, fantastic its reduced from £Stupidamount to just £19.99.
Now I need some form of structure for the plant to climb up. A mix of flimsy canes or metal, looking at the canes I better get metal and one that fits the pot and doesn't look like it will rust away in the first drizzle is a mere £15.99.
Great nearly there, just a bag of compost now £4.99

So that's a grand total of  £44.97 and oh look there are the plants they bought me, reduced to £7.99.
Now you still want to  tell me I am being ungrateful?

20 January, 2012

Keeping Records!

I was sat/sitting in the sauna at the gym the other day where two people were talking, they obviously worked at the same place and I got the impression that the man was the woman's boss. Um, don't go there with that thought.

The point was the conversation was brilliant and went something roughly like this :-

Woman - Well I always input the figures for the target predictions and end of month figures
Man - Yes
Woman - Evon (can't remember the actual name so that will do) never keeps them but I always think its best to keep them all and update the zepha-blinkin-hell-wot-not-thing chart every week I think thats best don't you agree.
Man - yes
Woman - I also keep the fiddled-made-up-data too, I know the computer doesn't want it but I've always kept it, its easy enough to keep a note of them after all, and well if they are written down then if anyone should ask I have them.
Man- yes
Woman - I think its best, Evon never keeps that so I think that even though the computer doesn't ask for it its best to have it, don't you. I often wonder why the computer doesn't ask for them, its something I would have thought it would want.
Man - yes
Woman - well sometimes when we get the figures back they don't tally straight away but then if I have the others recorded then if anyone wants them they are there aren't they.
Man - Yes

And so it went on. I so really wanted the man to stop saying "yes" and to say something like this :-

So you keep a load of unnecessary figures do you, whats the point of that.
Have you ever been asked for them, no, and do you know why they are not stored on the computer, yes thats right because someone decided they were not needed, but your keeping them anyway, plonker.
Oh and the Computer doesn't ask for anything, its a computer you input what we the managers have had the computer set up to record.
And why are you so belittling of Evon.
For goodness sake when I brought you to this spar for the afternoon I was just after a shag, stop boring me to death with work.