Life, The Universe and Small Things all covered in one friendly blog.
Remember DON'T PANIC! .

28 October, 2008

Recession hits!

There is a saying that if you talk about something for long enough it will happen, well if there isn't a saying there should be.
The media have been rattling on about it for months and now can boast "you heard it first here, the country is in recession" great!

The question I can't find a proper answer to is what does a recession mean to the man in the street, and don't start with the PC "don't you mean person in the street" I remind you this is my blog and I don't do politically correct.

A recession means that employers can use the excuse to get rid of all the lazy sods they have wanted to ditch for years and the banks can decide that although they promised me a nice 5% on savings it will now become 2%, and I should consider myself lucky, don't I know their CEO is only having half a million bonus this Christmas and his pool heater is lowered to 29deg.

This recession, they tell us, will last until 2011 and will be worse than the recession in the 90's, remember that we are talking about the very same "experts" who didn't even see this mess coming yet now expect us to still listen to them.

I am losing my thread in this blog , I though I was going to write about the recession and how to survive it but instead I have wandered off track and found myself woffling insanely, although that will get me an interview as a presenter on radio 2 it doesn't keep readers interested in the blog.

Still my excuse is that I am sat at the computer wearing 3 pullovers and 2 pairs of socks in a room with a temperature just above freezing typing by the light of one 15w bulb, apparently it is what I have to do to survive a recession.

If my original saying is right all we need to do now is, repeat after me " there is no recession every thing is fine" now keep saying it.

16 October, 2008

FTSE slides on trade fears!

It is terrible times in the financial systems. The world is apparently falling apart, so much so that we need Gordon Brown to stick his underpants on over his trousers and rush into action as Flash Gordon.

With all these problems, that we are supposed to believe are causing the financial crisis, I have actually identified the real reason and can solve it easily.
The problem is that the people trading, and causing the crash, are all scared of everything.
Each day the news is "stock exchanges around the world fell today amid trader fears of" :- oil prices, banks, recession, spiders in the bath, rabid dogs.
Is there anything that traders are not scared of?
Are traders all over the world hiding behind the sofa as soon as Dr Who comes on, jumping out of their skins whenever someone says boo.

Find traders with a little courage for heavens sake, before the whole system collapses.

05 October, 2008

Cabinet Re-shuffle.

How does it work, why do they do it, it makes no sense at all. I am of course talking about the cabinet re-shuffles. There seems no rhyme or reason to them and so I decided the only way to under stand how they work is to do our own re-shuffle about the town and see what happens.

Here is the re-shuffle for the town to take place from Monday.

Mrs Marge Miggins is moved from running the pie shop, where she has worked for 25years, she is now senior dentist at the dental practice.

Dara Patel will therefor move from being the dentist to drive the bus, despite her protest that she has only ever ridden a pedal cycle I have every confidence that she will turn around the poor service we have been experiencing on our transport system

Barry Smith will move from driving the bus and becomes the butcher Daniel the butcher moving to take over the garage.

The final move in the town will of course be Jim from the garage who will take over the pie shop and from Monday we look forward to the new selections he can introduce.

Stupid blog, I hear you say, maybe remember Gordon Brown has done exactly this, appointing unqualified people to posts they know nothing about and tells us it will lead to better government.
Don't hold your breath.