Life, The Universe and Small Things all covered in one friendly blog.
Remember DON'T PANIC! .

30 November, 2011

Military Wives Choir - Wherever You Are

I know its a bunch of bored house wives who have nothing better to do while they wait for their husbands to return home but why inflict the pain of this awful song on the rest of us.
We have a serious case of the Emperors’ new clothes with this one, Chris Evans says he likes it (he has to he is on the BBC) and so suddenly everyone likes it and says it should be Christmas number one.

What makes it to the Christmas number one slot is so utterly unimportant that it might as well be the number one, but who really cares.

The worst part is the terrible just slightly off-key soloist who is screeching over everything. She sings like a bus braking with worn out brake pads. No, sorry I am wrong, its not just the soloist its all of them, just off key enough to be so terribly bad it hurts, no really it actually hurts, it makes every nerve in my body cringe.
And remember as they sing the words "My Prince of Peace" to imagine the rocket launchers, tanks, grenades, guns etc they are deploying. Peace?
No stop it, don't give me the "its for charity and their husbands are off fighting a war for you" rubbish, that is no excuse to subject me to that terrible noise.

Be number one for Christmas if you like but please everyone be like Chris Evans and warn me when you are going to play it so I can turn the radio off.
There is an upside to everything, play this noise to any enemy and victory is certain, well surrender anyway!

29 November, 2011

I Think I Speak for Everyone !

Where I live there are two types of people, those who live here and those who think we shouldn't.
Some people truly believe that because their grandparents lived around here they are the only ones who have any rights or any say on anything that is done in the local area.
There are many who if given their way would still be living in a mud hut and cooking on a fire in the middle of the room so opposed to change are they.
None of them realise that given their hatred of all things change they would have died before they were 30 of plague or some other disease long past.

One of the long running moans of the "old local folk" is about the building of a great  new restaurant on the Coast Road. There used to be a rotting fallen down shack that had not been used for decades and someone decided to build a fantastic new building in its place. The moaners have been on about it since first planning application and done everything they can to prevent this new "monstrosity" replacing their  "historic" fallen down building.

I seem to have digressed, its time I got to the purpose of this entry. Why is it that when the old gits write to the papers with their complaint about this great new building they feel they have a right to speak for me and everyone else.
Every other letter of complaint contains the phrase "I know I speak for everyone when I say" or " I know everyone will agree with me when I" . No!  I don't remember you asking my opinion therefore you don't speak for me, you don't even think the same as me if you believe leaving a town to fall apart just because YOU don't like change is a good plan.

You only know you speak for everyone if you have asked everyone for their opinion and they all agree with you.
The chances of anyone ever being able to use this phrase are zero considering the need to ask 7billion people.


14 November, 2011

London 2012 - Only the participants matter!

It gets better, the Olympics I mean. Its the only thing that matters in 2012. From roads that will be only for those participating to commuters being told to expect 2hour delays if they want a train, and should in any case change their working hours because services will give priority to those going to the Olympics.
Well that's great isn't it, unless of course you want to go to work and keep the country going and don't particularly want to work nights for 4 weeks.

Even the tourist industry has said that it has seen hotel booking down 90% as people try to avoid the chaos, and still Screaming Lord (help us) Coe wants more athletics in 2017 as well.

Aside from the obvious scams meaning you can only buy the sponsors drinks and to stop you taking in your own food or  drink the best think I have heard about the Olympics has to be from the secretary for defence. He has said that "surface to air missiles" will be deployed at the Olympics if necessary. This in reply to "concerns" from, yes you guessed it, those paranoid Americans.

You have to think about this for a moment to realise what an amazing thing has been said here. If necessary the secretary of defence will deploy a missile to blow up something that was threatening the Olympic games. Just where exactly does he think the debris from the resulting explosion(s) will come down?  Oh it doesn't matter it will only be on the people of London, probably killing hundreds and destroying property and homes, but they are not part of the games so who cares.

The other option is to tell the Americans that we don't actually want them here in any case and if they do come we certainly aren't deploying missiles over London to please them!  Oh and ask the secretary for defence to resign immediately.

01 November, 2011

NHS Review site - Only the Good Stuff!

I visited my doctors the other day, its a long story but I wasn't unwell I needed a form signed.
The trouble is that the doctor I am registered with is a prat. No seriously, he is useless. I found out that he "qualified" in Iraq, so that's more than a little worrying to start with. Well that together with all the local accounts of him sending someone home after a stroke saying take aspirin and completely mis-diagnosing a boy with leukemia and failing to find my father had a heart attack 15yrs ago and not astma. Good one doc!

He wouldn't sign the form without doing some pointless tests which resulted in a weeks wait followed by a trip to see the nurse.

Oh good the nurse, well she calls herself a nurse but to be honest on the two occasions she has seen me she has told me completely wrong medical information as if it were fact. This time I dared to question her to be given a "I don't know who told you that!" . Well actually its any medical book you care to pick up and read.

This is all very scary, doctors who are useless and nurses who are wrong.

I decided the best thing to do was post an entry on the NHS Choices site where you can review your GP. So I did. But oh look, its been removed because it might be "defamatory".

So there you have it, post a good review it will be posted, write a bad one and it will be rejected.
Its good to know you can make an informed choice from their website isn't it!