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08 June, 2007

Exclusive from the G8

I have obtained exclusive rights to publish a short transcript of a conversation overheard when a microphone was left on at the G8 summit earlier today:-

Bush – Hi ya Putin hows it going.
Putin – Not so good, Not so good at all.
Bush – What’s up buddy.
Putin - I have told my people that we are going to arm ourselves against the evils of the USA but I don’t have the money.
Bush – Well I just might be able to help there.
Putin – I see.
Bush - I have a load of spares nukes that were supposed to be found in Iraq, they didn’t get there in time, the weapons inspectors had checked all the credible hiding places before they were in place.
Putin – I see
Bush – I can let you have them for say 50billion barrels of oil and a promise that you won’t fire them at us.
Putin – I think that seems fair. After all if I fire them then no one will buy my gas and oil so Russia will starve. But won’t the rest of Europe think its suspicious we have US weapons.
Bush – We have had them painted in Iraq flags already, we can do a paint job for you for say another billions barrels.
Putin – OK
Bush – so it will be alright if we go ahead with the Son of Star Wars in your back yard then?
Putin – Yes no problem. What are the chances of the system actually working?
Bush – Not much, but it gives us an excuse to station troops in Europe.
Putin- When can you deliver?
Bush – Well we have then stashed in the UK so after the paint job probably within the month.
Putin – Excellent, excellent I am most grateful.
Blair – Hello, I’m Tony, this is my farewell conference.
Putin / Bush – Yes Tony we know, you have told us 5 times.
Bush – Is this mic on? Bash , bash – Oh hell not again.

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