Change of address.

We are moving house so are in the process of telling all the different utilities, banks and other people who need to know.

Some of these have been so easy, a web page, a 5 minute phone call or a letter. But Barclaycard win the prize for taking the longest to sort out.

I started on the web page, which directed me to a phone number, excellent, nope its a 0870 number stating 8pence a minute minimum charge. Oh good news the fantastic say no to 0870 site has a free phone number for them.

Its rings and a lovely Indian sounding lady answers. I tell here what I want to do. She replies "so Mr arains (close enough I let it pass) you want to give me a new address to update your details" "yes", "I need to transfer you so I will do that, is there anything else that I can do for you?", "no thank you". "OK Mr arains (its on the screen please try to pronounce it correctly) I will now transfer you"

Ring, ring ,ring, "welcome to Barclaycard calls may be recorded ....bla ... bla bla...... press 1 if you ...... press 2 if ...... press 3 if your shoes are black ....... press....press... press 6 if you want to notify us of a change of address"
SIX ------ ring ring ------- "Barclaycard Chris speaking (English accent)" "Hello I want to notify you of my new address" "I can't do that I will have to transfer you" I pressed 6 I know I did argh....

Ring, ring, ring, ring --------ring, "please key in your 16 digit account number" 4976 9029 8643 8743 (don't even think I am that stupid) "please key in your date of birth" beepbeep beep - ring, ring , "Barclaycard Simon speaking" (Simon, strange, sounds Indian to me) "How may I help you" "I want to give you my new address" " you want to give me your new address?" "yes".

"sigh, OK What is the last four digits of the card" "8743" " and for security how long have you had a Barclaycard" "Um how would I know, since I was about 17 I think, so thats, well a long time" " It says on my screen" (yes but what bloody use is that to me) "Oh I don't know maybe 25years" "well no but I can see on my screen" (yes so you said).

Help I was beginning to lose the will to go on. Eventually he decided that I had held a Barclaycard for a long time but I still don't know what it said on his screen.

We are all so used to giving the address by post code first I was amazed that he asked for the address as it was written next.

"22 Brimbledinn" "22 Cinpallkin" "No, B R I M B L E D I N N" " Dinklefin" "No, B R I M B L E D I N N" Five attempts and I still think its going to be wrong if I ever see another statement.

That is "West Mersea. W E S T M E R S E A" " wedmonsey" "NO NO." The only thing stopping me giving up was the thought that my address was no so corrupted on the computer my chance of ever seeing a statement was nill.

Eventually, after persuading him yes Essex is in the UK, I got to the post code
"CO" "PO?" "NOOOOO C O" "CO?" "yes" "8KP" "HKD" "No 8 " "H for harry?" " No 8 as in after 7 before 9" Big mistake, my post code read back was COH79HKP, please surley someone there must have been told a post code format.

I don't expect to ever see another statement from Barclaycard, and don't have a clue what to do about it. Maybe I'll just spend spend spend, after all the fraud squad will be looking for me on a small island off the coast of Australia for all I know.