A virus that makes you fat.

There are some things that I hear and simply don't believe and this has to be one that really takes the biscuit, or maybe burger and extra fies.
A scientist has discovered that there is a virus that can make you fat, oh please. Even the breakfast presenter and the Old Woman on Steve Wright's show don't believe that one.

Lets play along with this discovery and take it to a natural conclusion.
A lot of Viruses are easy to catch and some of them are really nasty, like for example the flu. But whereas, so long as it doesn't kill you, the flu lasts for a week and then you recover and get on with life, the fat virus makes your fat cells multiply then you turn into one of the wobbling lycra clad mingers who frequently offend my eyes everywhere these days.

If anyone can catch this and we don't know which fatty has it we should be protecting ourselves.
I suggest carrying a solid walking stick at all times and when the next blob wobbles your way swing it wildly shouting get back unclean.

It is one thing to say that the virus can make you fat but it must be one hell of a virus because it even controls your speech by making you say "large burger and extra fries" when you meant to say "a green salad please"